Paralyzing Vulnerability?

To be perfectly honest I've been putting off posting on this blog for a couple days. Do you ever just feel like you have something to say but you are powerless to say it effectively? Failure is one of my biggest fears. Vulnerability is a close relative to failure. To put oneself "out there" is a huge set up for possible failures. Almost as soon as my last post was published I got scared. I am scared to be vulnerable by sharing my heart and my growing pains. This is my attempt to assert myself over my fear. Please join me in my journey. I promise not everything will make sense. I promise I will leave some of the more mundane (read as: "embarrassing to Andrea") things out, but because I grew through the writings I shared with my mom, I pray someone will be strengthened and encouraged by my journey toward hope.
 Bear with me friends, this may be a bumpy ride...

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This is the first email I sent to Mom after the transplant. As I told you, sis and I returned back home to work while Dad stayed at the hospital. He told me how I could email and, since I don't especially enjoy talking on the phone, and since I can blabber more when I write, I decided this would be a great way to have some contact with my Mom. Most days we did manage to talk on the phone but this was, for me, a safer and more effective way to share my heart with her.

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9/3/08

"Hey Mom, I know you have a busy day ahead of you today but I wanted to let you know that I love you and am continuing to pray for you as are many other people. I know we don't understand what is happening and why it is happening, but we have to comfort ourselves that the One Who Does has us in mind. I am going to start sending you a verse each day that will hopefully give you some comfort. I'm going to start with the first part of Psalm 37:7: 'Be still before the Lord; wait patiently for Him.' I know it's hard to be there and feel so bad and be so discouraged. I love you and am constantly thinking of you. I hope your thoughts today can be filled with the blessings you have received over your life and that they will bring you some peace. Talk to you later. Love you. Andi"